The head game you go through on a ride.

I'm not sure what my problem has been lately when I ride. Those I trust the most say it is just that time of year when you are bound to feel out of shape and not great, others tell me my head isn't in it. I tell myself a combination of the two.

I went out today with some friends for a ride that I knew would be a tough one, we had planned to ride some hills and anyone that knows me knows I'm not the greatest hill climber, after all I am a sprinter, power, short bursts of speed, that I can do. I continue to subject myself to the punishment that is climbing in hopes of getting better, to find a love for them or to just get a LITTLE better. I have moments of all of these things but never walk away from a ride like today feeling completely good about the days adventure. I love being on my bike even those moments of pure pain, feeling like crap and being popped from the pack like a bad zit. It is in those moments that I find out who I really am. I find out if I have what it takes to finish out that hill when all I want to do is stop pedaling, stop the slogging through what feels like quick stand, stop the burning, insane throbbing in my legs, just stop. But I don't, I keep on pedaling through the quick sand, push back the pain in my legs and just keep going. This makes me stronger and of course a better rider.

Even though I continue on, the one thing that kept coming in to my head during today's ride was those simple words spoken to me during the ride. "Your head just isn't in to it" Great, how do I get my head back in it? Have I lost that burning desire to not let anyone beat me across the line, to catch back on when dropped of the pack on a hill? Or is it truly just this time of the year? I find myself sitting and spinning a gear that is just a tad more comfortable instead of catching back up, watching my heart rate and not letting it get above where my coach tells me I am supposed to be for the day. Unfortunately doing all of this finds me falling further and further behind those I am riding with . Watching them become smaller and smaller red dots ahead of me.

I don't think I have lost any of my passion for the sport, if I had I wouldn't care that I was dropped or feeling like crap as everyone else seems fine and that is definitely not how I am feeling. Its a deep seeded anger, pain and emotional roller coaster. I find myself hammering even harder on the pedals, pushing that anger through my legs and on to the pedals in hopes of releasing it.

Then the ride is over, I look at my watch and realize....I just rode for over 3 hours, yeah me I did that. I rode over hills, on the flats, over more hills covered in quick sand like mud all while spending time with my friends in this beautiful area we live in. Yeah, I'm the lucky one. I may have had moments of pure anger and pain but I finished it, and have another great experience under my belt. So as I sit here with legs that feel the days workout, I feel a mixed bag of emotions. I am happy for the ability to ride my bike especially in this great city. I am feeling a bit disappointed in parts of my ride today but am also very happy with my ride today. Lets hope all of these head games go away once the racing season starts and then are replaced with the head games that come with racing!

My bike and the journey it has taken me on.

So, here it is, my bike. You've all probably seen it before and know that its not the lightest, newest or even the one loaded with fancy components. Its just a basic middle of the road Scott road bike. The journey it has taken me on however is anything but basic and middle of the road.

I think I have had the bike 4 seasons now. I would have to look that up to be sure but anyway that's not important. What is important is the story the bike could tell if it could talk. I have rode this bike 1000's of miles. Around 6 or 7,000 actually. Went through countless sets of tires, tubes CO2 cartridge's etc. It has always been there rain, shine, sleet, snow short rides or long epic 115 mile a day rides. Thanks to the guys at Vertical Earth I know that my bike will not be the one to fail, my legs, lungs or head might but not my bike.

I have been blessed over the past 5 years to meet some amazing people and form friendships that I know will last a lifetime all because of cycling. I have great memories of times spent out on the bike either in a race or just a group ride. Some of these memories get me through the times I feel like quiting in a race or push me just that little bit harder when I want to give up. For the most part though these memories are things I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Recently one of my friends and fellow racers was hit by a car from behind while out on a training ride. He is lucky to be alive but unable to ride his bike currently. I think a lot about him now, especially when I get on my bike. I don't let the fear of being hit consume me, I do however find
myself paying even more attention to drivers when I am out on the road. I also have thought a lot about how lucky I am to be able to ride my bike and what I would do if I couldn't. It would SUCK that's for sure. I can't even begin to think of how Ted is dealing with not being able to do something that means so much to him, and to have it be because of someone who wasn't paying enough attention while out on the road.

So, this post is for a lot of different reasons. I realize just how lucky I am to be blessed enough to ride my bike, be decent at it and most of all to have great friends who love the sport as much as I do. To some of you reading this it may not make sense to why I feel so lucky to have this bike but most of you will understand. This bike is more than just a bike, it is an outlet for my stress, it is a sense of pride and accomplishment every time I finish a race, and it is a great way to spend time seeing the beautiful area that we live in.

My New Job

Today I started my new job at Kootenai Health, but I wasn't actually working today and won't be for the next week. See at a hospital your orientation is a bit more extensive, I guess. I will be in the classroom for the next two days at least and then after that I will be getting some orientation on my unit. I am really excited to start a new position at such a great place to work. I wouldn't have thought that I would end up at a hospital in the rehab unit but here I am. Funny how when you are in school you think you will end up doing one thing but then it doesn't work out and something else does. I started out in out patient in another clinic in the area but just wasn't getting the hours I was hoping for, this position is full time which the other wasn't.

So hopefully tomorrow goes by quickly, it was a bit boring today but I guess sitting in a classroom for the entire day can get the way. I will update everyone as I can but am looking forward to the new venture.

Cyclocross Nationals Bend, OR

The final cyclocross race of the season took place in frigid Bend, OR on December 10-14. I raced on the 10th at 8:30 in the morning. My race was the very first of many which was kind of nice, other than the 5 degree temperature that greeted me that morning. I'm not sure if the nerves running through my body were what kept me warm or not but I really didn't feel all that bad out there. Waiting for the race to start everyone around me was jumping up and down, waving their arms around in some sort of effort to stay warm but I just stood there, not trying to be tough or anything, but rather just was focused and ready to go. I tried not to put too much pressure on myself going into this race but of course wanted to do well. Arriving at the start line with 40 other racers got my nerves going a bit though.

Jenni braved the cold and the early morning start time and took me to the race, while everyone else stayed warm and toasty in their hotel room beds. (Good idea guys) I was thankful she came out though, it is always good to have someone yelling at you from the sidelines telling you your position in the race. I got a good starting positon, by luck of the draw, literally. They did call ups by random number drawing and if your last number in your race number matched what they called you were up. I was lucky enough to get second row and that translated into a good starting position. I got a little hung up on the first corner throwing me back into about 20th maybe. Over the course of the 45 minute race I worked my way back through some traffic and ended up tied for 10th at the finish line. Not a bad days work for my first National Championship race. It was a blast and I can't wait to go back next year. Enjoy the pictures.

Fall Fun

I've almost forgotten about my blog as of late, other waste of time Internet obligations (Facebook) have seemed to occupy most of my evening computer time. While Facebook is fun and a good way to see what others are doing, there may be some of you that want to see this as well so here are some pictures from the past few weeks.

I have been so fortunate to have met so many wonderful friends through my cycling endeavors. Most of all I have met my best friend, someone who has been the sister I have always wanted. It may seem a bit mushy, but Jenni really has been there for me no matter what. She has been a best friend, mentor, coach, sounding board when I needed it and a huge inspiration on the bike!

The first picture is of me and Mike from a new adventure we took part in early this fall. A mountain bike orienteering race, we thought it would just be a good way to get a long workout in, HA, the competitive nature in us both took over shortly after we started. We ended up winning our division. We used all but a few minutes of the 3 hours allotted and got all but 2 of the flags we needed.

Spokane Trail Quest Orienteering

This picture is taken at the Rad Racing GP in Seattle, the first weekend of cross racing and I took 3rd. This season may be a good one if this race is any indication of my fitness level. :)

Rad Racing GP Podium

This is me not being able to be serious, Jenni isn't helping much, at the Riverstone Women's Racing Team wrap up BBQ, I don't even remember what was so funny but I guess it was.

Me and my best friend Jenni at the Riverstone Women's Racing Team BBQ

More from Rad Racing GP, this run up was brutal. Love that Liz was in the background yelling at me!

Liz cheering me up the run up at Rad Racing



Rad Racing GP

Spokane to Sandpoint/Blue Crusie with Kristin Armstron

A few weeks ago a friend of mine asked me if I would help with the Spokane to Sandpoint run. See there is a relay run with a team of 12 runners that start from Mt. Spokane and run through downtown Spokane, Post Falls, CDA and work their way up to Sandpoint. CRAZY, I know, but some would say the riding I do on my bike is also crazy so who am I to judge. When he asked me to help he was wondering if I would help him be the bike escorts that the runners are allowed through the night runs. See by the time darkness falls they are well on their way to the rural areas between CDA and Sandpoint. Dark, lonely roads with no shoulders can make for a dangerous run through the night. So I said, sure that sounds like a good idea, might be kind of fun. What I didn't realize was that the weather would be not so summer like, and a few other things would come up that would require my attendance.

In the weeks following my commitment to the team I found out that the Blue Cruise ride with Kristin Armstrong would be the morning after my duties of bike riding through the night. Our team director Jenni Gaertner had set it up so Kristin could take a team picture with us before the ride. The S2S bike escort started at 6 pm Friday night, and required me to ride with them until Saturday morning when the sun came up (around 5:30), the team picture was at 7:30 Saturday morning. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that meant no sleep for me.

Throughout the night we rode along the back roads lighting the way for each runner and safely delivering them to their exchange points. As the night wore on I grew more and more tired, each time I thought about staying awake that long it made me worse. I even at one point starting daydreaming about how good my bed would feel once I was able to climb in to it. Well, as it always does, the sun rose, and we arrived in Blanchard. Mike's truck was parked there so we could make a quick exit and head back to town so I could be on time for the ride and picture. Not before having a quick, well deserved beer! I did two things I never really thought I would this weekend...1. had a beer at 5:30 am, 2. rode my bike 12 hours through the night.

Once the S2S ride was over I ran down to the NIC campus for the Blue Crusie ride with Kristin Armstrong. Even a night of riding without sleep was not going to keep my from this opportunity. I only rode part of the metric century route, opting to pull off when the ride went close to my parents house. I arrived at their house around 9:30, 27 hours since I had last seen any sleep, got in the shower and found the nearest place to sleep. AHHHH, sleep never felt so good. It was worth every bit of being tired, feeling like crap.

Been awhile

Racing in the Wenatchee Crit

Century Ride on the Rails to Trails with friends.

Time for some beverage after Tour of the Swan River Valley

Beautiful scenery during TOSRV

Its been awhile since my last post, things have become increasingly busy. Here I thought with the start of my long term clinicals I would have more time to do things. Boy was I wrong. Most of it has to do with the onset of summer which of course means BIKE RACING :) Most of my time has been spent riding, training and racing and little time has been spent doing things like updating my blog. So here it is, a quick recap of the past few months.

Many rides have been taken but here are some pictures of the most memorable. The season started out in Walla Walla which was fun until a nasty crash in the crit took me out for the rest of the weekend. A badly cracked helmet, some good road rash and a few bruised or slightly cracked ribs were the damage. Nothing too bad though, just some uncomfortable nights of sleeping and moving around but then back to normal.

Wenatchee was the next race, good times I guess, that is if you like to climb when its hot outside. Overall I was happy with the weekend, I did better then last year and made it through without any more crashing.

Tour of the Swan River Valley was my latest ride-110 miles Saturday and then 110 miles Sunday through beautiful Montana with great friends made for a fun weekend. It was a great experience and my first ride of that length. It was one of my goals this year to ride a century, well guess I got that one covered, on to the next :)

This week marks the last week in my clinical rotation and of school. The time has come for me to graduate and step out in to the real world-whoohoo. Guess we will see if I am ready-hope so.